Tuesday 4 September 2012

Osborne still sporting erection at memory of 80,000 vociferous boos


Chancellor George Osborne remains in a state of impressive tumescence, despite over 12 hours passing since he was roundly booed by 80,000 paralympic spectators.

The incident occurred when he awarded medals to the winners of the men’s T38 400m race, and saw Osborne become more powerful than ever before by absorbing the hatred of the 80,000 strong crowd.

An 11 Downing Street insider told us, “He’s like a man possessed this morning. He knew it was going to be good, but even he didn’t expect that. I suspect a little bit of sex wee came out.”

“We’re trying to get him to concentrate on the economy, but he keeps thinking back to the incident and it continues to make him harder than a disability benefit qualification test.”

“He’s been on to the FA and wants to know if he can be introduced to the crowd at Wembley next Tuesday before the Ukraine match.”

“Apparently football fans can be pretty loud when they hate something and he’s positively frothing at the prospect. It’s like nature’s own Viagra to him.”

Osborne booed at Paralympics

Spectators have spoken of the tough choices they face when Osborne appears in public.

Ticket holder Simon Williams told us, “It’s difficult, as I want to boo him, but I know he thrives on the hatred of the people he’s spent the last couple of years screwing – so it’s a tough call.”

“I’m thinking next time I’ll just throw a bag of dogshit.”

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