Manchester United supporters’ relief at Robin Van Persie winning 3-2 at Southampton was marred by the news after the match that his shoulders are already feeling the strain of carrying another Premier League club.
The club’s medical team have sounded the alarm bells, given the Dutchman’s injury-laden history and the danger of United being relegated if he is forced to miss as much as one match this season.
United’s doctor cautioned, “We hoped his move from Arsenal would alleviate the pressure on his upper back, but if anything it’s intensified.”
“Wayne Rooney was supposed to take some of the load but he’s currently injured.”
“When he comes back things should improve given that he has the broad shoulders of a large primate.”
Van Persie shoulder injury scare
Sir Alex Ferguson was eager to spread the blame around for Van Persie’s misfortune.
Ferguson fumed, “These things are only to be expected when the Premier League puts such pressure on one team.”
“So far this season there’s been a noticeable lack of dodgy refereeing decisions going for us.”
“This was evident against Southampton when Robin missed a penalty and he wasn’t allowed to retake it.”
“What’s more, our star referee Howard Webb hasn’t been available for selection as yet.”
“It’s as if the FA expect the rest of the squad to contribute to our success, like Nani.”
“Trust me, those expectations are completely unfair.”