Following Julian Assange’s prediction that he could remain in Ecuador’s embassy for as long as a year, the Ecuadorian ambassador has given in to his demands to put some of his favourite posters on the walls.
Alleged ‘bedtime rapist’ Assange has complained to Embassy staff on numerous occasions about the bleakness of his room and the amount of time he is forced to spend staring at a blank wall, thinking about sex.
Initially Assange’s demands were resisted, although the ambassador is said to have backed down after the consensual sex-albino threatened to reveal the blandness of the existing wallpaper on his website Wikileaks.
A spokesperson for the embassy told us: “Mr Assange’s has made a formal request to be allowed to hang posters, which include one of Prince performing in an orange suit at Wembley Arena circa 1986 and a Formula One racing car.”
Assange fears if he leaves the embassy he will be extradited to Sweden and his poster collection confiscated.
Blu tack fears
Ecuador has received assurances from Assange that he will respect the integrity of the wallpaper by using drawing pins instead of ‘blu tack’, which is likely to result in tearing and/or damage to the plasterboard.
Meanwhile, Foreign Secretary William Hague has accused Ecuador of giving in to Assange, and insisted any poster collection should feature at least one indie band: “probably Joy Division or a nice one of Morrissey.”
Hague admitted to fears that a poor hanging technique could lead to walls that are messier than the bed-sheets of a Swedish hotel.
However, he stressed that the UK was not threatening to storm the Ecuadorian embassy and rip the posters from the walls, and that he was instead looking for an “amicable solution.”
“How about that one of a tennis player scratching her arse?” he added.