Rodents at the Houses of Parliament have called for major refurbishments to be carried out on the buildings after complaining of an infestation of MPs
MPs are widely reported to be running riot throughout the buildings which are also creaking under the strain of an out-of-date voting system.
A spokesmouse said that the Commons was a “unique and passionate” place to discuss politics. However it conceded that “the MPs are a problem”.
“The devastation that MPs cause cannot be underestimated.”
“They can vary in size, but are all capable of causing irreparable damage if left unchecked.”
“They are slippery characters who will think nothing of sacrificing one of their own in order to save themselves.”
Pest control experts
Some rodents have also expressed fears that the £3bn renovations, which could take five years to complete, will not completely eradicate the problem.
“It’s possible that the MPs could simply set up a nest elsewhere before moving back in once the renovations have been completed,” warned the spokesmouse.
Pest control experts have described MPs as devious and determined creatures who will cling on for as long as possible.
“There is no sure-fire way of getting rid of them,” one told us.
“You could access their communications, investigate their expenses or tax affairs, but they just seem immune.”
“They are greedy creatures, and traps may be the way forward.”
“Eric Pickles may be tempted by a piece of cheese placed on something spring-loaded, but you may have to use money and a hidden video camera for the others.
“To be honest though, if you get rid of one then another one will soon come along and take their place.”