Thursday 23 August 2012

Government urged to make blowjobs essential part of your five a day


As a new study showed that oral sex improved the health of women, men everywhere have petitioned the government to make it a formal part of the national health programme.

The study found that women who perform oral sex regularly are healthier and happier than those who choose to continually disappoint their partners.

Researchers also found that recipients of oral sex are by and large far happier than those that didn’t, and significantly more vocal in explaining why.

One research subject told us, “Today I had blueberries in my breakfast, a banana for lunch, broccoli and carrots with my dinner and a blowjob before bed.  It doesn’t get any healthier than that.”

“I’m feeling happier already, but I guess we’ll need a few weeks of this regime to see some real differences?”

Oral sex study

Women have reacted with suspicion to the news, but have expressed a willingness to ‘give it a go’.

As one woman explained, “It’s easier than having a salad for lunch I suppose. Does this mean I can eat more cakes?”

GPs are also reporting a massive increase in men asking for a ‘blowjob prescription like on the news’ for ailments as diverse as sprained ankles and ‘a bit of cough’.

“We can give them a prescription, but instead of £7.65 I’m afraid it’s going to cost them a nice dinner and probably some flowers.”

Simon Williams concluded, “I applaud any research that improves the health of the nation, and though I’m not keen on being a blood donor, I would happily let a few women suck my dick if it was on the advice of medical professionals.”

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