Tuesday 21 August 2012 by Gary Stanton

UK to take Assange by forcing itself inside Ecuador’s embassy while it’s asleep


UK police are to attempt subtle penetration of Ecuador’s embassy in order to arrest Julian Assange without disturbing it from its slumber, according to reports.

Although the move would constitute a breach of Section 2.5 Paragraph 6 of the UN ethical code on ‘entering things without permission’, The Metropolitan Police are hoping to seize the zeitgeist and pass the incident off as an example of ‘bad etiquette’.

Dispensing with the need for a warrant, cops intend to wait until the early hours before slipping in quietly via the back entrance.

And in the event of resistance in the form of an unwelcoming passage, such as a jammed window or a Latino gentleman wielding a baseball bat, officers are ready with copious amounts of lubricant to facilitate their entry.

The Met’s DS Simon Williams said, “You could be talking about several officers trying to squeeze into one narrow passage. That’s going to be a tight fit. We might have to take it in turns.”

“Alternatively we could try one round the front and one round the back. A kind of double-entry if you like.”

“Obviously, if we no-one inside the Embassy is awake to tell us to stop then we’ll take that as a green light to carry on.”

Julian Assange Embassy raid

Light-footed officers, who are worried about what might happen if the building wakes up, plan to pass the thing off as a huge misunderstanding before slowly withdrawing.

Williams added, “Technically they’ve previously invited us inside the embassy, so do we need to ask permission again?”

“If caught we’ll just say we misread the signals, saw a window open and thought the embassy was gagging for it, I mean, er.. that it was tantamount to an invitation.”

“There’s no point in being all coy about it. If you wear short curtains like that, you’re as good as asking for it in my book.”

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