Friday 17 August 2012 by Spacey

Russian Orthodox Church highlight commitment to Christian forgiveness by calling for Pussy Riot imprisonment


The Russian Orthodox Church have insisted that the most effective way of highlighting their commitment to Jesus’s teachings on forgiveness would be to put punk trio Pussy Riot in prison.

The all-female band enraged the Orthodox Church after performing a protest song against the Church’s support of President Vladimir Putin.

But after guidance from the New Testament, in which Jesus speaks of the importance of Christians forgiving others, they have called for a merciful prison sentence.

“In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus repeatedly spoke of forgiveness,”revealed the church’s leader, Patriarch Kirill.

“When Jesus said ‘blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy’, it’s clear that he was urging his followers to lock people up and throw away the key.”

“You just have to read between the lines a little bit.”

Pussy Riot

Prosecutors have asked for them to be given three years in prison, but the Church have insisted that this isn’t nearly forgiving enough, and called for the judge to take into account the words of Jesus when determining a verdict.

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven,” Patriarch Kirill said.

“It’s clear that Jesus was urging people not to put a timescale on forgiveness.”

“Our forgiveness should be eternal.”

“Or at least until they die in prison.”

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