Tuesday 14 August 2012 by Indy Sanghera

Scottish premier league gearing up for the closest one horse race in years


Scottish football fans up and down an increasingly small area of Scotland are eagerly anticipating the start of the new SPL season and an incredibly close title race where hot favourites Celtic take on themselves.

Following Rangers demotion to playing in somebodies back garden, Celtic are forced to look over their shoulders at a new set of rivals keen to stamp their mark on a league historically dominated by the Old Firm.

One fan Celtic when asked on his thoughts as to who would win the league showed us his mortgage papers.

“I took out a wee second mortgage on us winning the league this year. Well that was the intention, but I ended up spending it all on crack and a new knife.”

“I’d eat my hat on us taking the title, but I already had the wee thing for breakfast, so I’ll steal one later and eat that, just to prove me point.”

Scottish premier league

Scottish football officials were considering changing the format of the second half of the season to introduce a little ‘competition’.

Traditionally the league splits in two creating two mini leagues, but this year they contemplated a change where the bottom eleven teams play each other and Celtic play themselves each week in a variation of the old firm derby.

An insider at Celtic Park said, “The boys are really motivated for the new season and are doing everything in their power to make sure they finish at least 70 points ahead of their nearest rivals.”

“Training? No there’s no formal training per se this season.”

“In fact I’ve just got a text saying they’ve left pizza hut and are on their way to a strip club. Should be a good season.”

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