Saturday 11 August 2012 by Spacey

Nation already speculating on how much of an arsehole the Euromillions winner is


Euromillions lottery winner

After the Euro lottery jackpot of £148.7m was won by a UK ticket holder, people who didn’t win have been quick to point out that it’s an obscene amount of money and the winner is definitely an arsehole.

The identity of the jackpot winner hasn’t been revealed yet, but according to early rumours they will almost certainly be a wanker, and richer than Robbie Williams and George Michael.

“I’m glad I didn’t win it actually,” revealed 35 year-old Gail Smithson ripping up her ticket.

“It’s a vulgar amount of money, and whoever has won it will undoubtedly be an undeserving twat who will probably spend all the money on Argos jewellery and tracksuits.”

“Money can’t buy you taste you know, no matter how many chrome Bentley’s you invest in.”

“I just thank God I can return to my totally soul-destroying job on Monday.”

Euromillions jackpot for UK winner

A Camelot spokesperson revealed that they were looking forward to welcoming the winner into the Lottery Millionaires Club.

The spokesman told reporters, “So far the lottery has created over 2900 overnight loathsome pricks that everyone hates.”

“We look forward to welcoming this latest obscenely wealthy dickhead with open arms, no doubt to the catcalls of an entire nation.”

Other lottery ticket holders have also expressed their disappointment at not scooping the enormous jackpot.

“I was relying on that money to get me out of a bit of a mess that I’ve made,” revealed Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne.

“Now, where’s that copy of the Sporting Life, so I can work on Plan C.”

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