Saturday 11 August 2012

Female voices designed for ‘sweet nothings’ only, insists Des Lynam


Former sports commentator Des Lynam today insisted that female commentators should focus on whispering ‘sweet nothings’ into the ears of men, instead of talking loudly about sport on television.

Lynam told the Telegraph that although he has enjoyed the coverage of the London Olympics, it would have been better without any women involved.

He wrote, “I’m not sexist, I genuinely believe women can play a full role in a modern society, just not in roles that involve speaking in public.”

“There’s very little a woman can’t do as well as a man, but reading out scores, speeds, weights and times is definitely one of them.”

“Maybe we could have female commentary as a red-button option for people who are deaf or sexual deviants who actually enjoy horrendous screeching noises?”

Des Lynam on female commentators

Female sports reporters welcomed Lynam’s comments, insisting that elderly men not liking what they’re doing means they’re almost certainly doing something right.

Budding sports reporter Sharon Williams told us, “It’s a bit like when my grandad told me I shouldn’t get a job and should stay at home to look after the house – the criticism just confirmed I was on the right track.”

“That’s why it’s so reassuring for female broadcasters be criticised by a legend like Des Lynam, if someone of his age says it’s a bad thing, the chances are it’s actually brilliant.”

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