Wednesday 8 August 2012 by Spacey

Fifa ranked number one in the world for wildly inaccurate ranking systems


After England moved up to third in the latest Fifa world rankings, the international governing body of association football are now ranked number one in the world for the most ridiculously inaccurate rankings system.

With England above the likes of Italy, Brazil, Argentina and Azerbaijan in the world rankings, the calculation for determining the abilities of national teams has been compared to George Osborne’s understanding of percentages.

“England would struggle to make the top three national sides in England, let alone the world,” insisted one bemused fan of realistic ranking systems.

“Ranking England at third in the world is a bit like wiping your arse on two slices of bread and declaring it the world’s tastiest sandwich.”

New FIFA rankings

With only Germany and Spain ahead of England in Fifa’a latest rankings, expectations are already high amongst England fans as the qualifying campaign for the 2014 World Cup approaches.

“If you look at our squad then we’ve got as much chance as anyone,” said one blindly optimistic England fan.

“If we can hit form at the right time, and all the other teams’ planes crash into the Brazilian squad’s training camp on the way there, then whose to say to it won’t be our time to shine.”

“You just need that little bit of luck.”

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