Tuesday 7 August 2012

Nation pretty sure Morrissey couldn’t get any Olympic tickets


After the Mancunian Smiths front-man lashed out the London 2012 spectacle, observers have been quick to point out that he probably didn’t get any tickets in the Olympic lottery.

Morrissey told several newspapers, “I am unable to watch the Olympics due to the blustering jingoism that drenches the event. Especially those events where I would have been in the crowd if the ticketing process had been fair.”

“And those bloody Royals, I bet they didn’t have to apply for tickets only to endure the pain of rejection like the rest of us.”

“The spirit of Nazi Germany in 1939 pervades the media in such a way that I probably wouldn’t even take a ticket now even if you offered me one.”

“Unless it was for the relay finals. I’m free that night.”

Morrissey Olympic outburst

Olympic officials have welcomed Morrissey’s comments, citing them as a further example of how desperate people were to attend the events.

As one explained, “We understand people will have been disappointed not to get tickets, especially daffodil waving misery-arses.”

“But people without tickets likening us to the Nazis only reinforces the belief that we’ve put on an amazing event that the world is delighting in.”

“I would suggest that if Mr Morrissey wants tickets to any future events he focuses on trying to get really famous again.”

Olympic ticket-holder Simon Williams told us, “Morrissey welcome to the ticket my girlfriend got me – it’s to that event where they make shiny horses do Louie Spence impressions.”

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