The marketing team for American fast food chain Chick-fil-A is set to be honoured by their industry peers for an innovative campaign which saw people who oppose gay marriage buy more burgers.
Originally criticised for financially supporting hate groups that protest against gay marriage, the marketing team turned the negativity into a positive by convincing religious bigots that it was their duty to buy some fast food.
Chick-fil-A Marketing assistant Simon Williams told us, “What we found was a clear corrolation between the people who think homosexuality is a sin, and gullible morons believing absolutely anything you tell them.”
“Once we discovered that, it was just a case of putting the wheels in motion, joining the dots, and cashing in.”
“The first draft was, ‘Homos are bad so eat a chicken burger’ – but we felt it was a little on the nose. When we came up with the ‘Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day’ it was like a bolt of lightning in the room.”
“America is a nation ruled by its Bible and its stomach, and this day of appreciation appealed to them both.”
Chick-fil-A gay marriage opposition
Observers said the record takings for many Chick-fil-A restaurants was a clear indication of what has become of the modern Christian movement.
As one explained, “American Christians will happily queue through the day to spend $5 on a chicken burger to express their religious belief that gay marriage is unholy.”
“It’s like that Biblical story where Jesus invoked the power of capitalism by convincing thousands of his followers to buy all their bread from the only baker who believed his stories. That’s definitely in there somewhere, right?”
“It’s funny, because you ask these same Christians if they would like to give that $5 to save the life of an African child instead and suddenly it’s ‘not my problem’.”
“And for that use of religious dogma to line their pockets, Chick-fil-A must be roundly applauded.”