Wednesday 1 August 2012

All five remaining hotmail users to get new Outlook email system


The five remaining users of Microsoft’s free email system ‘Hotmail’ will see their accounts upgraded to the new Outlook platform in the coming days, according to reports.

Microsoft announced the change after admitting one their software engineers had remembered something about them owning a free email service in May this year.

A spokesperson for the software giant told us, “This is an ambitious programme designed to bring back those customers who left us once they realised email didn’t need to be nasty-looking, difficult to use and riddled with spam.”

“If you could just close your eyes for minutes, and imagine it’s 1998 – do you see it? Yes, well now remember that hotmail is where it’s at.”

“We have an extensive marketing programme underway and fully expect our active user base to be back over a dozen by September this year, slightly above 2005 levels.”

Hotmail becomes Outlook

Users of the free service have welcomed the news, but expressed concerns that the new service could see the platform go ‘mainstream’.

Account holder Simon Williams told us, “I’ve been using a hotmail email address ironically for five years now, it’s hilarious to put it on CVs and stuff.”

“Fortunately everything about me reeks of hipster, so when people meet me in person they immediately ‘get it’.”

Barbara Matthews, 57 has been a loyal hotmail customer since 1997 and told us, “I don’t like change.”

“People laugh when I tell them my email address, but that’s just fine. Plus all the spam makes me feel really popular.”

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