Monday 30 July 2012

Empty seats deliberate to symbolise Olympic theme of ‘money talks’, confirms Lord Coe


The empty seats seen at many venues in the opening days of the London 2012 Olympics are merely a deliberate illustration of how the modern Olympic games are all about money, claims Chairman Lord Coe.

The sight of empty seats has been a feature of the television coverage across the globe, forcing Lord Coe to come out and explain it was part of the plan all along.

“It’s aspirational.” he told reporters keen for an explanation.

“All the young people watching the Olympics want to be the next Usain Bolt or Jessica Ennis, but now they also want to be so rich that they can have the best seats in the house and still not be arsed to use them.”

12 year-old Chantelle Williams told us, “I did want to be a heptathlete, but now I think I’d like to be a global brand manager for a leading sports manufacturer so I can tell people what to do and have so much stuff I don’t give a shit about the things ordinary people would kill for.”

Simon Matthews, a 14 year-old student from London told us, “When I grow up I want to run a multinational conglomerate that will sue anyone who uses the Olympic logo we paid millions for the rights to, and then leave the seats we’ve bought completely empty throughout the game.”

“That’s real power right there. Who wants to be Usain Bolt when you can pretty much own EVERY Usain Bolt?”

Empty Olympic seats

Social Anthropologist Martin Edwards claims the empty seats are a form of territory marking by the major sponsors of the London 2012 Olympics.

He said, “It’s like in the medieval times when the head of a competing tribe’s leader was placed on a spike in order to show enemies how powerful a tribe was.”

“Well this is much the same. What the sponsors are saying is, ‘We’re so powerful we can leave those impossible-to-buy seats empty – so don’t fuck with us’.”

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