Following a meeting at Downing Street with Britain’s favourite footballer, the Prime Minister has signed David Beckham as Chancellor.
George Osborne has been placed on the free transfer list, although he will also consider work as a mascot.
“Osborne may have spent a lot of time on the bench, but he’s scored nothing but own-goals just recently”, admitted Cameron.
“With Beckham in the line-up, we’re looking forward to a return to form, and increased sales in official Tory party underpants.”
Beckham signed as Chancellor
Beckham has some experience with money, having met the old woman depicted on it a number of times.
Vince Cable had hoped to be offered the job, but reluctantly admitted that he’d make a far better centre-forward.
Beckham has got to work straight away, tackling the major issues affecting the economy.
“I’m targeting greedy Gordon Banks, people who avoid taxis and I’m going to cut down on Austrian tea.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever tried it but I’ll get Victoria to check the cupboards, and throw away any tea bags with a picture of yodelling on the box.”
Beckham has been restyled for his new role, having read that in times of difficulty, everyone needs to take a hair-cut. He claims he’s now ready for the challenge before him.
“I’ve been told the opposition is strong in defence, but a bit weak when they try and go forward”, explained Beckham.
“I’m confident I’ can shake off any challenges from the shadow chancellor. Everyone knows I’m an expert at swerving Balls.”