Thursday 26 July 2012

Middle-aged directors form queue to hire Kristen Stewart


Upon hearing the news that Hollywood starlet Kristen Stewart had an affair with her 41 year-old director, middle-aged directors around the world have contacted her agent to enquire about her availability for work.

Stewart was caught on camera with Rupert Sanders, who directed her in that one that wasn’t about vampires and had something to do with fairy tales.

Industry insides Simon Williams told us, “The movie industry is in something of a frenzy at the moment. If you’re a director over forty then Kristen Stewart is now the first name on your casting list.”

“I’ve already spoken to one director and he said h’d need to spend a lot of time with her to go through her role, her motivations and so on.  Probably a few late dinners, long conversations in her trailer, that sort of thing.”

“He’s already trying to lose a few pounds in the hope she’ll be happy to tackle his ‘project’.

Kristen Stewart affair

Twighlight fans of Stewart have defended the actress, insisting  that Sanders must have used some sort of vampire mind control to get her into bed, rather than an old fashioned position of authority and mysterious air.

“Kristen was obviously under the influence when she did it, because the alternative is that she’s just a silly 22 year old girl who likes fucking older men.”

Some observers have also sought to defend Sanders, with one asking, “Why would a middle-aged man that no-one recognises would take the opportunity to try and get into the knickers of a 22 year-old teen idol?”

“It just doesn’t make sense.”

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