Poor people who pay tradesmen in cash in order to avoid tax and have enough money left over to feed their families, are ‘morally wrong’ says Treasury Minister David Gauke.
“Poor people seem to be obsessed with clothing and feeding their families, even to the point of paying tradesmen in cash to avoid paying the proper amounts of tax.” said Mr Gauke.
“We need to get a clear message across that says ‘pay your taxes first, then worry about how you’re going to afford your lard sandwiches’ or whatever it is that poor people eat.”
Gauke explained that poor people saving a few quid for a cash deal is as big a loss to government coffers as the tax avoidance schemes of the super-rich.
“No, we’ve not done anything to address those tax avoidance loopholes yet – why do you ask?”
“I think we can all agree shouting at poor people is easier, and unlike the super-rich they were never going to vote for us anyway.”
Cash in hand
Mr Gauke, who always pays the correct tax despite struggling by on an MP’s salary of just over £60k a year plus expenses, says that the ‘cash in hand’ economy is such a big cost to the Revenue it means other have to pay more in tax.
“If these people can’t afford to pay to have their boiler fixed without trying to save a bit of money by not paying tax, then maybe they need to ask themselves if they really needed that second child.”
“And we keep seeing figures for how horribly overweight the nation is, if these tax dodgers ate a bit less then they probably wouldn’t be so poor.”
“I don’t really understand the problem anyway, surely they can just claim for any repair or maintenance work on their expense can’t they? They don’t get expenses? How ghastly.”