Sunday 22 July 2012

Rupert Murdoch leaves News Corp front line to focus on development of Death Star


Rupert Murdoch it to give up directorships in several of his companies in order to focus his energies on pushing forward his much delayed Death Star project.

The 81 year-old is concerned his dream project will not be completed in his lifetime, ruining a legacy he has spent half a century building.

A News Corp insider told us, “When you’ve put as much time and effort into ruining the planet as Rupert has, the thought of your legacy project not being completed before you shuffle off this mortal coil into cryo-stasis is terrifying.

“He’s not getting any younger, and if he’s going to leave the entire planet trembling in fear then it’s about time he took control of the development of the Death Star himself.”

A News Corp statement claimed the move was nothing more than ‘corporate house cleaning’, and that the Death Star project was still ‘on target’.

“Adding Rupert Murdoch as the lead on this project is excellent news for our organisation,” explained a News Corporation press statement.

“No-one has a passion for acquiring a dominant position in the Universe quite like Mr Murdoch, and his unique brand of ‘no holds barred’ management will see development accelerate in the coming weeks.”

In another surprise move, Murdoch today tweeted his support of gun control in the US, leading to speculation that he has finally developed a weapon better than guns.

As one observer  explained, “If he doesn’t want people buying guns then it probably means he’ll be selling personal lasers by Christmas.”

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