John Terry is planning to celebrate the not guilty verdict in his racial abuse trial and the reinstatement of his ‘good name’ by having sex with Anton Ferdinand’s girlfriend.
Terry left court victorious today and his spokesperson said he was looking forward to getting back to normal by having sex with someone he definitely shouldn’t be having sex with.
“Mr Terry is delighted by today’s verdict, and his first call was to Mr Ferdinand’s girlfriend in the hope she would join him to ‘celebrate’.”
“Mr Ferdinand is currently in Hong Kong with his team, and so Mr Terry is keen to ensure all three of them put this behind them as soon as possible. Over cocktails.”
Chief Magistrate Howard Riddle said he had heard a great deal of evidence to show Mr Terry was a bit of a prick, but that right now this was insufficient to put him in prison.
In his judgement, he wrote, “Sure, putting John Terry in prison would make a lot of people very happy, but if being an risible human being was enough to get you prison time this country would be nothing more than a room with about four nurses.”
“So unfortunately he can go about his business being desperately unpleasant to pretty much everyone as long as he likes.”