Thursday 12 July 2012 by Gary Stanton

Black Swan movie contained too many ballet scenes, insist perverts


Angry UK cimema-going perverts have criticised a film about ballet for its lack of emphasis on hot sweaty lesbians.

Cinema fans who were expecting the film Black Swan to feature a heady feast of explicit girl-on-girl action were left disgruntled by a solitary three-minute Sapphic encounter in a two-hour film about a young ballet star’s mental disintegration.

According to the BBFC’s annual report, “some complainants had expected to see a film featuring two attractive girls with a shared love of ballet getting it on to an Irene Cara soundtrack”.

Film critic Mark Kermode said, ‘The film was groundbreaking in its treatment of a host of ballet styles ranging from the neoclassical to the contemporary, which is small comfort if you were hoping to thumb one out in row Z.”

“I was also disappointed by the lack of a swan in it.”

Black Swan complaints

Pervert Martin Jupp concurred, “There was a bit of frottage, tongues and a brief glimpse of tit. I think you’ll find that’s what they refer to as ‘implicit’.”

“It was totally unrealistic. Given the lead character’s unhinged state of mind you would expect her to have experimented a bit more.”

“Maybe she could have sucked off a horse while someone shouts “and here’s where you start payin’ – in sweat!”

By contrast, a twenty minute sequence in which Natalie Portman’s character receives technical instruction on how to perform a perfect Pas de Basque was described by perverts as sadistic and gratuitous.

BBFC director David Cooke added, “Black Swan demonstrates the disconnect that sometimes occurs between a viewer’s expectations and a film’s actual content.”

“Here viewers were treated to a multitude of arabesques and pirouettes when what they were actually hoping for was a re-enactment of that scene from ‘Two Girls One Cup’.”

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