Friday 6 July 2012

Vatican brainstorm enters 48th hour in attempt to effectively monetise ‘God Particle’


Tempers are beginning to fray at the Vatican, as a team of high-ranking church officials enter a third day of brainstorming over the ‘God Particle’ and the best way to make money out of it.

Despite the announcement of the Higgs Boson on Wednesday, the church has been slow to find a ‘way to make it pay’ – leading to sharp criticism from those at the top of the organisation.

As one observer explained, “The Catholic church didn’t get where it is today by simply sitting back in wonder at the scientific advancements around it – there simply has to be an ‘angle’ here, and I’m confident they’ll find it.”

“This is an organisation that asks the unemployed for weekly contributions whilst the leader sits on a gold throne atop a basement filled with priceless artefacts.  They’re very good at this sort of thing – trust me.”

God Particle

The first steps have been taken, by insisting that the God Particle is definitely of the Christian God, and not one of the other 4,200 dubious sounding Gods keen to also lay claim to the particle.

“Perhaps we could rename it the Jesus Particle – just to clarify the situation?” asked one Vatican official.

With t-shirts and commemorative plates currently top the money-making list, some are beginning to worry that the church might not be able to benefit financially at all.

As one church regular asked, “Maybe we could put one on display in each church so that we could go and see it – you know, for a moderate donation?”

“Although it would help me personally if someone could locate an extremely tenuous Bible verse that suggests reasons why we should pay to see it.”

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