Wednesday 4 July 2012 by Waylandsmithy

US celebrates Chinese Dependence Day


Brash people are celebrating in an ex-colony today, to mark their new-found dependence on China.

Historically, very few citizens of the United States of America (USA) had any idea that a China existed. But as US debt clocked past $15 trillion for the first time, a child from Wisconsin accidentally asked who they owed it to.

To mark their total dependence on China, Americans are expected to buy thousands of imported fireworks.

“They’re dear to our heart, we’ve always loved spunking money into space”, declared one ruddy-faced senator.

“And buying them from China further cements or relationship with our masters.”

“They’ve been more than generous in underwriting our country during a period of eye-wateringly expensive military action, so we owe them our thanks”, he confirmed.

“Our thanks, and 15 trillion dollars.”

US dependence

The 4th July has long been a national holiday, with people across the country mimicking workers in the US manufacturing sector for the day.

“I’ll probably spend the day in bed, eating donuts and corndogs”, said unemployed welder Chuck Stanley.

“I was going to get up, but the handle snapped on my Taiwanese bed hoist.”

Stanley will instead watch the spectacle on his Changhong plasma TV, and join in the patriotic songs, such as ‘Ode to the Long March’, ‘This Land is Their Land’ and ‘Brother Can you Spare a Yuan’.

This year, the celebrations are likely to be more boisterous than ever, as China marks the occasion by adding a 6th star to its national flag.

“Each one represents a continent that we dominate completely”, explained China’s paramount leader, Hu Jintao.

“Do you know anyone in Antarctica, that wants to buy a replica Louis Vuitton fanny pack?”

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