With Father’s Day just a few days away, proud fathers in the South London district of Lambeth have been excitedly making lists of the toys and sportswear that they would like to receive as presents to celebrate what totally wicked dads they are.
Sports shops are already reporting a significant increase in shoplifting leading up to Sunday’s celebrations, with baseball caps and tracksuit bottoms literally flying off the shelves.
14 year-old Kyle Henderson revealed his excitement at what his children, Tupac and Beyonce, would be getting him for Father’s Day.
“I’d really like some Nike Airmax 95 trainers and a hoodie with a cannabis leaf on the front,” he revealed.
“It’s important that I look my best when I’m pushing them around the estate in their buggies.”
Henderson, who cites guiding Fulham to Premier League and Champions League glory on Fifa 12 as one of his proudest achievements, was keen to highlight that he takes his responsibilities as a father very seriously.
“People might say I’m too young to be a dad, but they’re wrong because I’ve already started planning for the future,” he insisted
“I’m not stupid, next year I’d really like a set of GCSE revision guides.”
“I want to leave school with lots of qualifications, but that’s in two years, which is ages and ages and ages away.”
36 year-old Julie Henderson revealed that she was very proud of her Grandson.
“Kyle is a brilliant father and a great role model,” She told us.
“His kill/death ratio on the Team Death Match mode on Call of Duty is the best on the estate.”
“Little Tupac and Beyonce are so lucky.”