Wednesday 6 June 2012 by Waylandsmithy

Tesco cancels meat contract after learning public has learned where it comes from


Tesco has taken decisive action against one of its meat suppliers, after discovering that the public had discovered just why it was so cheap.

JBS is the world’s biggest exporter of meat, but has now been linked not only to killing animals, but to killing trees in the Amazon to make room to create animals to kill.

Scientists claim that not only does this contribute to global warming, it could also prevent the use of a little red tractor logo on their sausages.

“Tesco is committed to making our customers think we’re committed to the environment”, claimed spokesman Nigel Gumpter.

“That’s why we’ve come up with a new logo, for our shoppers to look out for.”

“If your tinned meat product has a little cartoon of a burning monkey toppling from a tree, you can be sure that it’s not not sourced in a way that’s morally repugnant.”

Tesco meat products

Tesco first discovered they were wittingly buying cheap meat from ‘slash and burn’ farmers just over a year a go, and took immediate steps to appear as if they were doing something about it.

“We cut back our orders slightly so we could say we were ‘phasing it out'”, confirmed Gumpter.

“And we deliberately lost a bit of our market share, to help us to sell less.”

Gumpter admits that cutting down virgin rainforest can do long-lasting harm, and is actively looking at ways to contain the damage.

“Jane Horrocks has already agreed to try and smooth things over for us”, he explained. “She has a lovely, soothing effect on the cattle that come through our doors.”

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