Wednesday 6 June 2012

Four-day weekend not even close to long enough, claims nation


As workers returned to their jobs everyone agreed that four days isn’t even close to long enough to recover from 72 hours of incessant coverage of rain-soaked morons lining the river Thames and Gary sodding Barlow.

Despite expectations, four days has proven insufficient for people to rid themselves of of work stress and remain Jubilee-free.

Office worker Simon Williams said, “I appreciate the extra time off, it was a nice gesture, but it would have been great to have five god damn minutes without someone waving a union jack in my face and reminding me how brilliant the Queen is, you know, ‘for her age’.”

“I mean, it’s not like she reached 86 after spending a lifetime down the mines, is it?”

“Even Prince Philip felt the need to fake a bladder infection having sat through the Thames flotilla – though I don’t blame him, that would be enough for anyone.”

“I just wish he’d been mic’d up during the day, that would have been gold.”

Jubilee celebrations

Others have suggested that giving us a four day weekend, and then filling it at every turn with with red, white and blue tedium is a form of torture.

“Is it really a holiday if everywhere you look there are pictures of Grace Jones doing the hula hoop?”

“That’s like being told you’re getting a short break with bed and breakfast paid for, but it’s at Guantanamo Bay.”

Meanwhile Mike Arnold admitted he’d pretty much avoided all coverage, and had enjoyed a pretty good long weekend, all things considered.

“Of course, that’s been ruined in the first hour in the office by everyone insisting on discussing every tedious detail of the celebrations in intricate god damned detail.”

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