All news stories that don’t involve the Queen floating down the Thames or people decorating their streets to resemble a BNP fun day have been given the day off by the BBC, as it focuses entirely on Diamond Jubilee celebrations.
Syrians are expected to spend the day pottering around doing a few odd jobs, while the global economy has revealed plans for a lie-in before catching up with the laundry.
“As a public funded organisation, it is our role to ensure that the opinions of all our viewers are represented in an impartial way,” said a BBC spokesperson.
“It’s clear that every man, woman and child in the UK thinks that the Queen is so utterly brilliant that all other news is irrelevant, and our coverage is going to reflect that.”
Queen’s diamond Jubilee
Unemployment and public service cuts were also weighing up their options after being told by the BBC that their services wouldn’t be needed for a few days, but politicians haven’t been so fortunate.
“We’ve got the day off from coming under scrutiny, but we’re working tirelessly on our levels of sycophancy,” revealed one MP.
In a week where he has come under intense pressure on numerous issues, Prime Minister David Cameron faced questions on the Andrew Marr Show.
“The Queen is amazing isn’t she, Prime Minister?” Fired Andrew Marr.
“Yes, Andrew, yes she is,” replied Mr Cameron.