Manchester City and Italy footballer Mario Balotelli has claimed in a recent interview that he is in fact a genius, despite all evidence pointing to him actually being a deluded simpleton.
A series of high profile incidents have seen the striker struggle for several minutes with the complicated tasks of putting a training bib on, throwing darts at youth team players, and set fire to his bathroom by setting off fireworks indoors.
However Balotelli continues to insist that he is definitely a genius.
“A lot of us geniussers have the occasional problem what less clever people can’t really relate to.” said the man affectionately known as Super Mario, while drooling slightly.
“Besides, putting a bib on is harder than it looks. Everybody says that Stephen Hawking is a genius because he knows about space and stuff, but at a recent Mensa meeting I gave him a bib to put on for a 5-a-side game and he was hopeless.”
“He had to get somebody to put it on for him in the end, it was all a bit embarrassing.”
Balottelli ‘above average’
Balotelli then reminded everybody just how much money he earns, pointing to this as evidence of his genius.
“I’m rich, so I must be clever. If other people were all more cleverer than me then why don’t they earn as much as me?”
“Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got a Mensa party to go to where we’re going to going to light a campfire and throw petrol cans on top of it.”
“We’re having it in a shed just in case it rains, because that’s the sort of thing you think of when you’re a genius.”