Wednesday 23 May 2012

Could we swap ASBOs for a ‘bit of a slap’, ask communities


The government is introducing new ways to help people who suffer repeatedly from anti-social behaviour, but is so far rejecting strong support for the overwhelming favourite of ‘a good kicking’.

Home Secretary Theresa May wants to replace Asbos and force officers to investigate any case of anti-social behaviour that’s reported by at least five people desperate punch the offending chav square in the face.

Police recorded 3.3 million cases of anti-social behaviour in 2010-11 but there’s still no set criteria on when it’s OK for those in the community to drown the offenders in a bucket of water.

Community leader Simon Williams told us, “ASBOs have failed, clearly, and we’re just looking for a little guidance on when it’s OK to pull a knife on someone who won’t turn their car stereo down.”

“It’s time we were able to fight fire with fire, at least.”

“How about making repeated noise offenders listent to Perry Como on repeat for a couple of days? Or let us spit on the ones who swear at us on the street?”

ASBO replacement

Calls for a violent replacement to the ASBO programme are already coming in for criticism, something Williams is keen to address.

He went on, “The media will depict us as some bloody hungry vigilante gang out to reclaim the streets – but that’s not true, Derek absolutely hates the sight of blood.”

“In fact, he sought alternatives and discovered that a well directed blow to the solar plexus won’t even leave a bruise.”

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