Plans to carry a burning stick through Britain for all the proles to gawp at faced a setback today, after David Beckham assumed it must be his birthday.
While the Olympic flame has been accidentally extinguished in the past, it’s the first time such an incident has been marked with excited clapping, and demands for jelly and ice-cream.
Surrounded by people who eat canapés for a living, amongst them Princess Anne and Boris Johnson, Beckham quickly realised he must have either won the World Cup, or forgotten how old he was.
“It was very confusing”, admitted Beckham. “We were in a sort of sports place, but there wasn’t no goals, and there was this candle, but there wasn’t no cake.”
“I just done a blow, and then said a quiet wish in my head. Don’t tell no-one, but it was for world peace, some lions and more sales of my amazing underpants.”
Beckham had been chosen for his easy, photogenic countenance and consistently disappointing performance at International level, both seen as core values for Britain’s Olympic hopefuls.
Organisers now admit that he should have been briefed more thoroughly, particularly when he insisted on putting on his ‘birthday suit’.
The incident, while embarrassing, wasn’t all bad news. Stock markets recovered slightly as Greece’s flame exports doubled in 24 hours, with many investors convinced there’ll be a fire sale.
Beckham apologised for his mistake, and promised to look after the replacement flame very carefully.
“For instance, I’m just popping to the bathroom with it now, to see if it wants a drink.”