Tuesday 15 May 2012 by Gary Stanton

@Joey7Barton in fresh assault on Twitter servers


Joey Barton was in the custody of Californian State police last night after launching a prolonged and vicious assault on Twitter Inc’s main Java server.

The QPR midfielder reportedly ‘lost his cool’ after receiving a ‘Twitter is Over Capacity’ message on his iPhone, accompanied by a picture of a whale.

The player is said to have stormed out of his mansion in Godalming, Surrey, telling friends he was going to ‘sort it’, before asking if one of them would tape Match of The Day #motd

Two hours later CCTV cameras spotted a red-faced Barton in a Smiths T-shirt preparing to board a jet to San Francisco, where the company’s main Java Server “Ruby” is located.

On arrival at Twitter’s main HQ, Barton posed as an IT student on a work placement to blag his way past reception, but workers became suspicious on hearing Liverpool-born Barton’s distinctive pronunciation of the word “technology”.

Barton Twitter outburst

Alas, Barton’s cover was soon blown by tech-savvy IT Manager, Steve Wilshaw.

When Wilshaw quizzed the troubled star as to how much experience he had of Java, Barton replied that it was ‘dead dead hot in the summer’.

Wilshaw tweeted, “@Joey7Barton had some obvious issues with being forced to outline complex philosophical concepts in just 140 chara….”

“@Joey7Barton then tweeted that I was a #bell-end before head-butting me and causing over five hundred thousand dollars worth of damage to our server using his elbow.”

Meanwhile, Twitter users worldwide reported problems such as ‘sluggish downloads’ and ‘timelines covered in spittle.’

Although Barton denies the assault, his case was considerably weakened after he underwent surgery to remove three capacitors and a motherboard from his forearm.

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