Saturday 12 May 2012

Facebook trials new ‘paid tedium’ feature


Facebook is trialling a new feature which will make it almost impossible to ignore the banal utterances of your most tedious friends, by allowing them to pay a fee to force their way onto your news feed.

The new feature being trialled will allow users to pay a small fee to ensure that the shitty photo of them out shopping will be seen by absolutely everyone they know.

Facebook user Sharon Williams told us, “This is great, because ever since I invited everyone to help me with Farmville it seems that very little of my shared content gets seen – I don’t understand it.”

“But this way I can make sure they see all of the really important stuff I post – you know, about my cats and stuff.”

Facebook’s pay to post feature

Though only available to users in New Zealand,  friends of Kiwis have said the new feature is already having an effect.

Auckland resident Simon Matthews told us, “I thought that there’d been a mass poisoning that had dropped the nation’s IQ by fifty points, but it seems that they’ve merely let simpletons pay to highlight their posts.”

“It feels a bit like charging mental patients a small fee to smear their own shit on the walls of the asylum – I can’t say I’m in favour of it.”

“Here’s an idea Mr Zuckerberg, how about I pay a couple of dollars a month and you hide anything written in capital letters only, anything with more than three exclamation marks, or any content that looks like it was created by child that was dropped on its head at an early age?”

“Deal?”

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