An ambassador from the far future, sent as a goodwill mission from Earth many centuries to come, has reported ‘encouraging progress’ in introducing goal-line technology to professional football.
In a wide-ranging presentation, Ambassador Zarg spoke of interstellar travel opening up new trade routes beyond the planet Jupiter, the advent of teleportation and total cybernetics and the replacement of the school and university system by Giant Brain Technology.
“We are also due to have another meeting next year to discuss the issue of goal-line technology,” he added. “But we feel that we cannot rush these things.”
“Although the technology is there – it’s broadly the same as used to calculate sun harvesting, and accurate to within 0.0000003% – many of remaining humankind fear that it might slow the game down a bit,” he said.
When pressed on the term ‘remaining humankind,’ the Ambassador looked sheepish for a moment, before announcing: “by the order of the Earth Council of Elders, I cannot reveal information to you that may change your history, even if it might save two billion lives.”
He then gave a furtive look at his teleportation band, before adding in a low voice: “don’t trust the geese.”
The Ambassador remained for a while to chat about football with journalists, and was asked whether the England team still existed as an entity in the far future.
“Oh yes,” he replied. “England is still very much a place, and we all know the song. “Two thousand, seven hundred and forty-nine years of hurt, and all that!”