Friday 4 May 2012 by Waylandsmithy

Vogue decision ‘fat-headed’ claims union for skeletal underage models


The union representing painfully thin, under-age glamour models has slammed Vogue magazine’s decision to only photograph ‘healthy adults’ in future.

The union, ‘III’ (members voted against using any of the fatter letters) sat for three hours to discuss the ramifications, whilst staring in disgust at a jelly bean and a slice of cucumber.

Fashion magazines have been criticised in the past for promoting unhealthy role-models.

Constantly showing images of unrealistic ‘ideals’ has even led some zombies to starve themselves back to life, only to end it all, after comparing themselves to Victoria Beckham.

Zara Greengage Stanley Ffarr, 12 year-old head of the union, disagrees. “I’m feeling a lot of jealousy in this room, especially from plump adults”, claimed Ffarr, who then resigned after noticing her pelvis ‘looked fat’.

Healthy models

Vogue’s announcement coincides with their poaching of Jim Harpur, senior photographer at the National Geographic. Harpur courted controversy recently with a cover shot depicting a size 0 Walrus, eating a rice cracker while having her tusks done.

As Harpur explained, “even nature could be beautiful, if only it put some effort in.”

“No-one wants to be reminded how natural the world around them can look”, insisted Harpur. “That’s why I Photoshop everything, even tape worms.”

Harpur plans to use this experience to recreate starving child muses, by manipulating images of moderately nourished teenagers.

Vogue’s editors are proud of their decision, which should bring some equality to the world of beauty. “Not everyone can aspire to be a malnourished 14 year-old with kidney failure”, admitted one.

“Besides, times are tough, and we have to be more realistic. It’s a lot cheaper to hire some bloated, 8-stone 17 year-old.”

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