Tuesday 1 May 2012 by Spacey

MoD to stop hijacked planes crashing during the Olympics by firing missiles at them


Surface-to-air missiles could be deployed at five sites across London to ensure that any devastation caused by airborne terrorist attacks don’t affect the Olympic games, only the surrounding areas inhabited by people that don’t have tickets.

Exercise Olympic Guardian is being held this week to see if it is possible to stop a plane falling out of the sky by blowing it back upwards.

Defence Secretary Philip Hammond insisted that the public will be perfectly safe “as long as the debris doesn’t land on them.”

“The best way to deal with any airborne terrorist strike is to stop any impact with the surface below,” he said.

“We feel the best way to do this would be to fire missiles at any threat so that it blows it into small pieces that will hopefully float harmlessly to the ground.”

“We must do everything we can to ensure that the Olympic Games are safe for everyone who isn’t unfortunate enough to live on a nearby housing estate.”

Olympics defence

Asked whether debris would fall on urban areas if a missile was fired, standing joint commander General Sir Nick Parker avoided saying the word ‘no’ in such a way that he might as well have just said ‘yes’.

“I accept that this is a very, very challenging situation,” he said.

“What’s crucial is that people will still be able to marvel at the sight of seeing how far someone can throw a pointy stick without the fear of a whole jumbo jet plummeting out of the sky and obscuring their view.”

Chris Allison, the National Olympic Security Coordinator, was keen to offer reassurance to people who live close to the Olympic stadium.

“Residents should take an enormous sense of pride from the fact that they have been chosen as the official collateral damage of the Olympic Games.”

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