Controversial gas extraction technique ‘fracking’ has been given the go-ahead after experts concluded any further earthquakes in the Blackpool can only be a good thing.
The process involves forcing high pressure chemicals into places that aren’t used to it beneath Blackpool, much like any one of the thousands of stag parties above the ground.
Fracking expert Simon Williams said, “This is great result for all concerned, as not only do we get access to a cheap natural resource, but any earthquakes could force Blackpool to drag its infrastructure into the 1980s.”
“You know, we’ll shake it up a bit, and then maybe they might be forced build something new that doesn’t resemble a scene from Boardwalk Empire.”
Visitors to the Blackpool area have given the news a mixed response.
Former visitor Kevin Mitchell told us, “I think all the criticism of Blackpool is unfair. Visiting there is only a disappointing experience if by comparison you’re lucky enough to have ever done anything fun whatsoever.”
“And God help you if you’ve been to Disneyland – you might be mistaken for thinking you accidentally got on the coach to Auschwitz.”