Thursday 12 April 2012

UK already wondering how to translate ‘light pollution’ into a sick day


As reports emerged claiming that light pollution in the skies of the UK is at record levels, work-shy layabouts began using this information to concoct barely plausible excuses to take a sick-day.

The Campaign for Dark skies said that not being able to see at least 10 stars in the constellation of Orion could soon move above ‘Womens’ problems’ in the list of the top reasons not to go to work.

Spokesperson Simon Williams told us, “Despite our best efforts, it seems street lighting is still affect views of our skies and the ability of the inherently lazy to drag their sorry arses out of bed.”

Layabout Dave Michaels told us, “I read about that light pollution yesterday. Can it give you a bit of a cough, because I’ve definitely got one of those.”

“I suppose I’d better stay at home as I don’t want to infect anyone.”

Light pollution

Experts are already warning that light pollution related sickness could reach epidemic proportions by the summer.

Actual GP Shane Matthews told us, “It seems to get worse the more light there is, with peak absences occurring on particularly sunny days.”

“We need more research, as it definitely seems like there’s a genetic link. If your parents needed time off due to light pollution, then the chances are you will too.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: