The entire population of the UK have expressed their total shock that Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne has expressed his shock that some of the UK’s richest people have organised their finances so that they pay virtually no income tax.
Mr Osborne revealed he had seen “anonymised copies” of tax returns which showed him that some of the highest earners are completely taking the piss.
He did not outline any new proposals, but insisted he was so crippled with shock at the revelations that he would have a jolly good think about taking some action.
“After finding out that some high earners pay an income tax averaging at just 10%, I had to have a lie down,” he told the Daily Telegraph.
“Seriously, I thought I was going to faint.”
“I was even more shocked to discover that I am the only person in the UK who didn’t know that this was going on.”
“Me, the chancellor!”
He said the returns he had seen had shown him the 20 biggest tax avoiders had legally reduced their income tax bills by a total of £145m in a year.
“I can’t reveal the details of the individuals involved, but as I read through it I was saying to myself ‘I know him, had dinner with her last Tuesday, I was best man at his wedding, I’m related to him,” he revealed.
“How could I have not known about this?”
“People must think I’m either a liar or incredibly stupid!”
Voters have denied that they think Mr Osborne is either of those things.
“He’s both,” they confirmed.