Saturday 31 March 2012 by Spacey

Shortage of credible MPs fuels further panic


The UK was thrown into further chaos today after it emerged that supplies of MPs that have any clue what they are doing has reached crisis point.

The government has urged the public to take “sensible precautions” to limit the damage caused by the shortage, with Cabinet Minister Francis Maude advising people to stockpile petrol in bottles with a rag stuffed in the top.

“I, along with the vast majority of MPs in Parliament, have absolutely no clue what’s going on,” admitted Mr Maude.

“The best way for the public to deal with this would be to store toxic substances in bottles clearly mark Fanta.”

Credible MP shortage

Mr Maude also revealed that all future government advice would come with a disclaimer after a woman in York suffered severe burns while decanting petrol in her kitchen.

“We accept no responsibility for any suffering caused as a result of attempting to comply with government advice,” he said.

Speaking about recent scenes of motorists queuing up to buy petrol that they didn’t need, Mr Maude warned against further panic buying.

“It is important that people don’t engage in individualistic, selfish behaviour,” he said.

“That’s the government’s job.”

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