A NASA probe designed to search for inhabitable areas on distant planets has found ‘compelling evidence’ that there was once water in South East England.
The ‘Messenger’ spacecraft made its discovery by accident, after a programming error by scientists.
“We put ‘Mars’ in the satnav, and it ended up above a chocolate factory in Slough”, explained NASA’s Dr Marvin.
“That’s when the probe announced a 15% probability the region was habitable. Although you might need to drive to Birmingham if you want to have a long shower.”
While the area is bone dry at the moment, NASA believes that tell-tale times such as empty swimming pools, disused canal boats and a surprisingly clean 2004 Ford Mondeo all point to a past that with plenty of water.
“Our special space instruments can gaze back into the very depths of time”, explained Dr Marvin.
“And a quick shufty at 2010 showed that it had chucked it down, right through the entire bloody Summer.”
Dr Melvin thinks that life-forms in the region may have deliberately destroyed the water available to them, despite many of them being on a meter.
“They probably put it in bags and smashed it with hammers”, he theorised. “Or they could have set fire to it, or fed it to their children.”
Rival scientists believe the area is dry due to incompetent water companies refusing to invest in reservoirs and infrastructure, but Dr Melvin is sticking with his hammer theory, and blaming their customers.
Messenger is currently being reprogrammed to search Scotland for any evidence of salad.