Christian MPs seeking to overturn a ban on adverts claiming that God can heal you – after insisting that no-one can prove it wasn’t Him making people better – have been told that the Flying Spaghetti Monster did it.
Gary Streeter, Gavin Shuker and Tim Farron are appealing to the Advertising Standards Authority because sometimes sick people get better, and they aren’t educated enough to understand why.
FSM practitioner Simon Williams told us, “I’m glad they feel the burden of proof now lies with the people who don’t believe something – because the Flying Spaghetti Monster rarely gets the credit he deserves.”
“All you ever hear is stuff about the ‘scientifically proven placebo effect’, or that ‘people get better on their own anyway’ – but that just denies the Monster His due credit. It’s blasphemous.”
“I want to run full page adverts claiming that the Flying Spaghetti Monster can cure cancer – unless of course they can prove He never has.”
“No, I didn’t think they could.”
Gary Streeter went so far as to say his poorly hand got better after going to church, in direct opposition to all other poorly hands throughout history which have, without exception, gone black and fallen off completely.
“My hand got better because of the prayers and stuff – and you simply can’t explain that, can you?” Streeter told a slightly incredulous press briefing.
“Let’s remember, God has his priorities, and responding to a bit of begging to fix the poorly hand of a middle-class MP is far more important than helping the thirty children who die of AIDS every hour of every single day.”
“And we continue to give thanks for it being that way, obviously.”