Friday 23 March 2012 by Waylandsmithy

‘Staycation’ camping holiday ruined by English luvvies


A family talked into camping by the Government’s ‘2012 Staycation’ campaign has slammed ‘a hard-core of luvvies’ who ruined their holiday.

The Horace family had been planning a three-week break in Florida. But when they saw some of Britain’s favourite actors camping in the middle of Coronation Street, they tore up their tickets and bought tents.

“We’d been looking forward to Disney World, Sea World and sneering at Americans”, said Mr Horace. “Until we realised it was better to sleep rough on a farm, in a tent made in China.”

To make sure their spending money went to the most needy, the family chose to go somewhere awful, and settled on Rhyll.

“It seemed a waste to spend money with the smiling professionals in the States”, explained Mrs Horace. “Especially when we could give it to smack-heads, who refused to speak English.”

English Luvvies

But as soon as the family had pitched their tent amongst the scattered KFC boxes and lager cans, their peace was shattered by BAFTA-nominated caravan enthusiasts.

“Stephen Fry was the worst”, claimed 8 year-old Danny Horace, still upset by the experience. “He arrived in a Victorian bathing machine, towed by 500 swans.”

Fry, Julie Walters and one of the ginger Harry Potters quickly took over the site. Circled by dietitians, make-up artists and experts in reiki, the group were up at all hours, enunciating and drinking tea for the cameras.

“If it wasn’t Fry ‘tish and nonsensing’ away the praise being heaped on him, it was Walters, waking kids up to see if they recognised her”, complained Mr Horace.

After 48 hours of the actors fawning over each other, the Horace family gave in and packed up their Volvo.

“In a way, the campaign has helped us to think harder about our holidays”, admitted Mr Horace. “Next year, we’re definitely staying at home.”

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