Wednesday 21 March 2012

Cardiac specialists wondering if the religious might give them a little credit for Muamba survival


A team of highly-trained and skilled cardiac specialists at London’s Chest Hospital are said to be wondering if their years of training and dedicated research might see them recognised for the survival of Bolton’s Fabrice Muamba any time soon.

With headlines proclaiming that the prayers of a nation have helped Muamba back from the brink, experts have described this assertion as ‘fucking nonsense’.

“What saved his life is the years of dedication to scientifically proven treatments from a range of medical professionals you can actually see.”

“If you want to credit God with anything, why not blame God for giving him the heart attack in the first place?”

CPR techniques

Religious communities across the country have insisted that the power of prayer has had a significant influence of the improvement in the young footballer’s condition.

As one religious nut-job told us, “I spent two hours on my knees talking to the big man asking for Muamba’s survival – and look! If this isn’t evidence of Divine intervention then I don’t know what is!”

“Maybe we shouldn’t have prayed quite so hard as he clearly took his eye of the ball with that coach crash and those kids shot in France yesterday.  But I guess even omnipotent super-beings can’t have everything.”

However medical professionals have said that perhaps people should start looking at the evidence presented in front of them if they want to offer thanks for Muamba’s improvement.

As one Doctor explained, “Here’s an idea, instead of clasping your hands to together in prayer to ask for his return to health, or to give thanks for his survival, why not clasp them together over a CPR dummy and learn the techniques that saved this young man’s life?”

“Just an idea.”

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