Wednesday 14 March 2012 by Spacey

‘Happy Steak and Blow Job Day’ cards not selling well, admits Hallmark


Men everywhere have been left crestfallen Hallmark’s announcement that their selection of cards to celebrate today’s Steak and Blow Job Day remain largely unsold.

Steak and Blow Job Day is the male equivalent of Valentine’s Day, with a subtle but important difference that men make it abundantly clear what they want as a gift.

“I guarantee the first thing that men will be doing when they get home later is check the fridge for a steak,” said a Hallmark spokesperson.

“Unfortunately, if our card sales are anything to go by then there’s going to be a lot of disappointed male faces lit by fridgelight tonight.”

Steak and Blowjob Day

Hallmark were quick to remind women that the day is not yet over, and that they still have plenty of time to arrange a surprise for their men.

“Our cards contain romantic poems that will be sure to set the mood, and it’s not too late to celebrate.” continued a spokesperson.

“Here’s one to tug at your banjo strings.”

“Steak is red
Your helmet is blue
If you eat the meat
I’ll swallow your goo.”

Women’s failure to acknowledge Steak and Blow Job Day as a genuine day of celebration will be sure to trouble men who are keen for the day to be widely recognised and even placed into law.

“People express their love in different ways,” revealed one hopeful man loitering outside his local butchers and regularly checking his mobile phone.

“I can’t think of a better way of committing yourself to someone than by cooking them a 20oz sirloin before noshing them off – can you?”

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