Wednesday 14 March 2012

Bear Grylls to drink own piss until he gets a new TV show


Following his sacking by the Discovery Channel, television survival nut-job Bear Grylls announced his intention to drink only his own urine until he is back on the nation’s screens.

Grylls was sacked after a disagreement with the Discovery Channel about how much airtime should be devoted to him drinking warm fluids excreted by his own body on prime time television.

He told reporters, “I am disappointed, obviously. People tune into my shows to watch me chugging down my own piss, and sometimes the piss of other animals.”

“The Discovery Channel couldn’t see this, and I am not prepared to compromise my integrity by making programmes in which no piss whatsoever is ingested.”

“As such, and to demonstrate my commitment to ongoing piss consumption, I will drink nothing but my own piss until I return to the screens of my loyal fans.”

Bear Grylls sacked

Fans of Grylls have claimed to be intrigued by his new challenge, insisting that piss which has been through Grylls himself a few times might in fact need to ‘snapped off’ the end of his penis and chewed like a Peperami.

Viewer Michael Jones told us, “I hope he’s going to film himself during this protest and put the clips on YouTube – it’s a viral hit waiting to happen.”

“Some people will say they find his arctic survival tips incredibly valuable, but I think I’m in the majority when I say the most entertaining parts are when he eats the crunchy bits of a warm shit straight from an animal’s arse.”

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