Nick Clegg and the president of the Austin Allegro Owner’s Club have claimed their relationship is a ‘unique asset’ to people who crave disappointment, or who are brought together by a mutual love of awful cars from the ’70s.
Nick Clegg and Brian Osthwaite have long been good friends, recognising in each other an optimism that is hopelessly misplaced.
And while Clegg believes that one day he might still be Prime Minister, Osthwaite remains hopeful of finding an original set of carpets for his beige 1974 1.3 HLS.
“We’ve been through a lot together”, admitted Clegg.
“And we still believe there is hardly anything we cannot do. As long as it’s something tedious, that no-one else cares anything about.”
Clegg insists the relationship is a two-way affair, even if he’s rarely allowed in the driving seat.
“Only last week, I helped Osthwaite hoover the footwells and give the tyres a bit of a kick. And afterwards he showed me how to bumble along the ring road, causing a nuisance to people who wanted him to fuck off.”
Despite a lack of influence over government policy and a service interval of just 3,000 miles, Clegg and Osthwaite still enjoyed their afternoon together, weaving their way around the bland streets of Hemel Hempstead and soaking up abuse from the public.
“We’ve certainly raised awareness of middle-of-the-road has-beens in sickly shades of yellow”, claimed Clegg.
“By tea-time, everyone was used to the confusing signals we were sending out, as well as the sudden and unannounced U-turns.”