Wednesday 7 March 2012 by Spacey

Priests still confusing performing religious rites with sexually abusing children


Following the arrests of two retired Church of England priests on suspicion of sexually abusing children, concerns are growing that priests are still struggling to differentiate between performing religious rites and forcing their genitals on young children.

It is unclear where the confusion stems from, but there is strong evidence to suggest that priests are misinterpreting their role of carrying out ceremonies of religious meaning with paedophilia.

“What better way could there be to proclaim the word of the Lord than to rape a choirboy,” insisted one confused priest.

“Sexually abusing children is all part and parcel of telling the story of God’s love.”

Priest arrests

The Right Reverend Mark Sowerby, Acting Bishop of Chichester, said: “I can assure the public that we will be giving priests some training to help them avoid getting muddled up between being messengers, watchmen and stewards of the Lord and having sex with children.”

“It’s an easy mistake to make. The Bible is crammed full of references that could lead to the word ‘messenger’ being interpreted to mean kiddie-fiddling pervert , but with a bit of guidance we can help them see the error of their ways.”

“Hopefully we can alter their course away from child sex abuse and put them back on the righteous path to giving homosexuals a hard time.”

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