Tuesday 6 March 2012 by Spacey

Being a posh food ponce linked to hepatitis A outbreak


UK health experts believe being poncey about food could be the cause of a recent outbreak of hepatitis A.

The Health Protection Agency and the Food Standards Agency have warned that people who are unable to eat a tomato unless it has been dried by the sun’s rays and preserved in the tears of an angel could run the risk of contracting the disease which can cause liver failure in severe cases.

The hepatitis A virus is carried by human faeces and can be passed on through contact with the anus of low paid food packers who harbour a grudge.

It is believed that the seven infected people like to spend their Sunday’s reading the newspapers in the cafe at their local Waitrose before spending a few hours idling around the deli counter.

Hepatitis A outbreak

Officials are on the alert for further cases, but because there is no reliable test to find the virus in food, they are instead carrying out tests on whether those affected wear loafers without any socks, or have a tendency to flounce around the aisles looking for Duchy Originals products.

Four of the patients in this latest outbreak in England said they had consumed sun-dried tomatoes, with the other three admitting that they liked sprinkling roasted pine nuts on goat’s cheese.

A spokeswoman for the Food Standards Agency said, “Sun-dried tomatoes are being investigated as one possible source of the hepatitis A outbreak, but we haven’t ruled out olives stuffed with feta cheese or Foccacia topped with roasted peppers and quail’s jizz.”

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