Friday 2 March 2012 by Waylandsmithy

BBC4 celebrates 10th birthday with boring documentary


Highbrow snob-fest BBC4 is celebrating 10 years of broadcasting to a handful of elitist tossers in North London by showing a boring documentary about 17th century champagne flutes, with subtitles available in Ancient Greek.

Sister channel to moron-friendly BBC3, BBC4 has been lauded by pompous bell-ends as ‘estimable and meritorious’.

Although few have managed to watch any of the shows from beginning to end, that hasn’t stopped the sort of people who still wear cravats from gushing about them when they want to sound clever.

At its launch, critics doubted whether there would be much call for a channel dedicated to quiz shows about Kamchatkan opera, historical dramas about swan vertebrae, or whole evenings devoted to the decline of Tuvan throat singing.

And those critics were correct. Fewer than eight people have ever watched BBC4 simultaneously, and most of those were contestants on ill-fated reality show, ‘An Afternoon Without Tweed’.

It is this lack of appeal that makes the BBC so proud of its flagship digital channel, which has become a safe haven for pseuds and writers of impenetrable novels only English professors have heard of.

“With our budgets under pressure, we’d like to hear from people who can’t see the point in this channel”, said the BBC’s Director General Mark Thompson.

“Because Brian Sewell is making a documentary about how much he hates all you thick people.”

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