Thursday 1 March 2012 by Formelia Alberthine

Nation relieved as £45m spent on Titian painting rather than struggling families


The British public today breathed a collective sigh of relief after it was confirmed that £45m that could have been wasted putting food on the tables of struggling families was instead squandered on a painting described as ‘supremely important’.

Titian’s Diana and Callisto has been saved for the nation after a £45m ($71.7m) deal was agreed with owner the Duke of Sutherland, who felt that the painting was of such importance that he was obliged to sell it to the highest bidder.

A previously anxious mother-of-four from Bradford, Sheila Mount, said that she and her family were so relieved at the painting being saved for the good of approximately 0.001% of the nation that they had foregone breakfast for a week as a show of solidarity.

She told us, “When I heard that the British people were set to lose this remarkable painting which no one had ever previously heard of, I was aghast.

“Particularly when I heard it was ‘supremely important’.

“Once upon a time I thought ensuring families had enough food to eat was supremely important to the British people, but I now I have learned the error of my ways.”

Art collector Trapaniel Fall urged struggling families to come and view the painting, which is neither by a British artist, nor of a British subject, before deciding how next to spend their fortnightly benefits.

“Bread and water can only provide so much satisfaction.

“So why not come and eat some whilst poring over the finer detail of this wondrous waste of money.”

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